Mindset
The Oxford English Dictionary defines values as ‘principles or standards of behaviour; one’s judgement of what is important in life.’
According to Fiona Sutherland, a Debut Books author,
‘Values are deeply help ideas that act as guideposts… which feels personally meaningful, providing the foundation for the way we would like to show up in the world.’
‘Being unique to you, values are like compass points, offering feedback as to whether we are heading in the right direction.’
‘Values act to support a series of intentional actions and behaviours that feel personally meaningful.’
Living into our values means to practice them, every day. It means walking the talk, so to speak. Living with integrity.
Finding our true values requires some upfront work. It asks us to be curious about, and naming, what we care about the most. It is also a practice steeped in gratitude, asking us to appreciate what is meaningful.
Values are different to goals; goals mark an endpoint. If values are the direction we’re heading in, then goals are the points along the way. Some of the questions you can ask yourself are:
Does this define me?
Is this who I am at my best?
Is this a filter that I use to make hard decisions?
I can’t think of a more powerful way to double down on ourselves than getting clear on our values and the behaviours that support them—and the sh*t that gets in the way.
As you work your way through the following exercise, what are the one or two values, looking at all the circled ones, where everything else is forged?
This values activity comes straight from Vitamin A to Z, the second book in The Mini Collection.
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Values — Getting clear
One activity that people find useful is to imagine your eightieth birthday. Everyone you love, and who loves you, is there. Because it’s an imaginary birthday, future children, people who have passed away and pets from childhood can all be there. You ask someone who knows you really well to stand up and say a few words about you; what you stand for, what’s important to you, the kind of person you are, what you bring to the world. What would they say? Just let the words land.
Values clarification
You might already feel clear about your top values. There is a downloadable list of values at the end of this lesson however if the words on that list don’t resonate with you, there are many lists of values on the internet for a different point of view. Identify your top ten and narrow them down to three. Good luck with this, it can be tough as you cross really important things off the list (I was horrified at myself as I crossed ‘family’ off the list!). Remind yourself that this doesn’t mean they are not important to you, but that for the purposes of this activity, we are aiming to be as clear as possible of your highest values.
Where are you now?
On a scale of 0–10 (with 0 being totally out of touch with this value and 10 being totally aligned with each value) where would you say are you right now? How do you know? What are you noticing in your life, including your own behaviours, which gives you some information about this number? A reminder that honesty and kindness is critical here as we come up close and personal with what our current reality is like, rather than how we wish it to be.
Next steps
If you were to move up just one or two numbers on the scale above (say, from 2/10 to 4/10 in alignment with this value) what is one action you might take — setting a realistic timeline for yourself — that aligns with this value?
And then, when you take this action, what could pop up or get in the way (thoughts, memories, feelings etc)? Repeat for each value.
Value: __________________________________________________
Small step (action) I’m willing to take in the direction of this value: __________________
In taking this step, I’m expecting, willing to notice and make room for (thoughts, feelings, sensations in the body): ___________________________________
Timeline: _______________________________________________
If you’re not going to take the time to translate values from ideals to behaviours, it’s better not to profess them at all.
Here are a few more prompts to get you on your way:
What are the signs that you’re living outside of your values?
What does it feel like when you’re living into your values?
How can you check yourself?
Take the opportunity here to define three to four behaviours that support your values and three to four that you’re tempted to do even though they are counter to your values.
Understanding what it looks and feels like when you’re aligned with them, and what it looks and feels like when you’re not aligned with them, can be hard and it will take time. It’s a system that you can lean into for yourself when sh*t’s really hard and you can’t even put the next foot forward.
How are your values going to influence how you show up in your writing practice?